letters, lists, & poetry

my husband is talented

2011-07-24T21:09:00.002-07:00

here's a little video of our latest adventure with the fam

just a thought

2011-01-11T08:03:00.001-07:00

i am lucky because i get to see this (or something very much like it) every morning.

a perfect little tree

2010-12-14T07:53:00.004-07:00

dear love,

just yesterday i was telling my dear friend brittany that i never blog anymore because nothing funny/weird/interesting has happened to me lately (which, as you know, are the things i normally blog about). life has been soooooo good, don't get me wrong, i just haven't felt like i have much to say that would be interesting. well, how untrue that was!

i got home from taking a final, working, and going to the gym to a husband who had cleaned the ENTIRE apartment. we're talking nooks and crannies, bathroom, sheets washed, the whole shebang. then he told me he had a surprise for me later. so, he opened our chest at the foot of the bed and pulled out these supplies and told me we were going to make our own christmas tree. here's how it turned out.

it was sooo fun! the tree might look a little sad to you, and maybe even a little crooked but i think it's perfect. the pine cones smell like cinnamon and our little apartment is now officially Christmas-y.

i'm thankful for

2010-11-24T16:03:00.006-07:00

i love reflecting on all the things i'm grateful for--especially this time of year. i am now going to attempt to enumerate these things mostly for my benefit, but feel free to read on.

my husband! i don't know anyone better. look at this face!
the gospel: truth, temples, worship, happiness, progression
family: mom, dad, step mom, jordie, ted, charis, rich, ami, katie, kelly. and then there's my new family who i am so grateful for too: millard, jo, tiffany and her fam, matney and her fam, tyler, and emry. love you all! and then there's my list of millions of amazing aunts, uncles, cousins who i love so much!
friends: there are some friends who have really been instrumental in my life. let's start from the beginning. amy, alex, shweta, nina, kristen, danielle, kalisha, brittany, dana, lindsey, alyssa, sheila, cari, carolyn, katherine, danielle, elizabeth, karlee, chantal...on and on. thank you all for being such amazing influences in my life.
music: new fav of the month = the weepies
computers
school: even though i complain about you oh-so-much, i still really do love you.
good food
work: it's great to have a job where i feel like i'm helping people! and i even have my own little space heater by my computer which is yet another thing i'm grateful for.
good knives
moments where you love sooo much that it kind of hurts
thanksgiving! best holiday ever.
getting money from the government to go to school. CASHMONEY
sleeping in
mountains: snow in the winter, hiking in the summer!
rocks: i'm grateful for these because billie likes these.

wash your hands

2010-11-02T16:04:00.005-07:00

dear love,

please, please, please wash your hands. especially if you are at someone's house, for example, making sushi. if you neglect this important detail, something nasty might happen like infecting multiple people with salmonella. just a thought.

if you're wondering why i bring this up, let's just say i have some experience with this type of food borne illness. it's a nasty one. somehow i feel it's my duty as a member of society to tell the world to wash your hands. i know it's hard sometimes--but do it! the rest of us will thank you.

happy eating! :)

a few things

2010-09-28T19:54:00.003-07:00

dear love,

just a few things that made me happy today:

getting a 95% on my interior design test that i barely studied for and felt like i was guessing the entire time. i must be destined to be the most amazing home-maker ever.
crossing off 7/20 of my school things i need to finish before the wedding.
speaking of wedding, we're down to 11 days on the countdown, people!
i realized that it's candy corn season again. heck to the yes.
being in awesome groups for school things. group projects can be awful, but i have the best classmates in the entire world.

that is all.

awesome people

2010-09-16T19:19:00.006-07:00

dear love,

i know it's been a while. but, as promised, i am giving you something worth waiting for...my latest stalker pictures. enjoy!

this girl knows where it's at. can someone plleeeeeease tell me where she found that thing? my birthday is in three weeks...

this is an old one i took over the summer. please notice the amazing choice of shorts overalls with sperry's. can you even???

this is hot off the press! i saw this out my window as i was waiting at a stop light today and i definitely took this right before the light turned green. shhh don't tell, but wow. amazing!

the mullet never gets old

2010-08-17T23:22:00.007-07:00

dear love,

today i saw something amazing. i saw a little pre-teen boy with a legit mullet. and wranglers (they were TIGHT!!) and a wife beater. and a mullet. needless to say, when we saw this little guy we knew i had to try to get a picture with my phone because it's a widely known fact that i take amazing stalking creeper pics of weirdos. sorry to say i didn't get to take one because right as we caught up to him, he did an about face and headed the other direction. it would have looked really crazy if we did the same thing and followed him so the moment was lost. we didn't get that picture. but please just picture it in your mind and smile.

it may or may not have looked a little like this

nut-el-ahhhh

2010-08-02T17:30:00.001-07:00

dear love,

i have been trying to come up with some fancy and exciting way of saying this but i've decided just to say it simply--i'm in love. yes, i love my fiance but i'm actually talking about something else. here it goes...

I LOVE NUTELLA

i can't even help it. i love everything about it. i love the way it's always the perfect melty consistency. i love it on toast, on pancakes, on ice cream, and even just by its little self on a spoon.

i've done a little research. the sources vary somewhat, but they all agree that nutella was originally created during times where cocoa beans were either unavailable or too expensive. pastry makers wanted a way to keep the chocolatey flavor going without the expense of chocolate. so they found hazelnuts! what a miracle!

sometimes i have to force myself not to buy it because it can disappear way too quickly. other times i'm so good about eating just a spoonful everyday. i had my spoonful today and it was a great day! you should try it.

plant girl

2010-07-09T07:36:00.002-07:00

dear love,

i like plants. i love the way they look inside or outside, tall or big, flowers or no flowers. plants just bring life to a place. one time i even planted a tree in thailand.

because of my love for plants, i am officially the "plant girl" at work. i fill up our little pitcher and walk around the office watering the plants. it takes me about 5 pitchers full before i finish. we have a wide range of plant life in the office. keeps us healthy. keeps us happy.

on to a more important note: i was walking to work this morning and i realized something major. i saw the landscape crew right by the SWKT working their little buns off. these guys (and girls!) are for reals. they wear their grunge jeans and their i-dont-care-what-i-look-like shirts and they just work hard all day. i always see them on campus and think nothing of it. today was different though. i realized today how much i secretly want to be one of those people. i want to wear gloves and break my back bending over and use a shovel once in a while.

ok seriously

2010-06-23T20:13:00.003-07:00

dear love,

i was walking home from work the other day and i realized i REALLY had to go pee. like, there was not going to be a way to make it home. so i stopped in the JSB on my way back and ran to the bathroom. on my way, i saw this:

i did a double take and didn't give it the attention it deserved because i had to pee so bad. but when i got out of the bathroom i snapped the pic and i just want to say a few things about to this girl, whoever she may be.

first i would say, "hi. how are you? are things going okay in your life?" then after a little small talk i would dig deeper, you know, get to the core of who she is. "so when you were studying that day, what exactly was going through your mind? did you just get new undies and you wanted to show them off to the world? or maybe you thought boys would totally dig the posish (pronounced 'puh-zish', emphasis on the 'zish') you were laying down in? or maybe it was just comfy and you had no idea how suggestive it looked." after we became best friends, i would kindly tell her that she should probably not do that anymore. the end.

another confession

2010-06-21T15:23:00.003-07:00

dear love,

i used to be a little obsessed with watching oprah...there, i said it! i don't really know why and how the obsession started, but it began some time during high school. when my parents got tivo, i would come home from practice and chill on the couch and check out what oprah had going on for the day. i have to admit, i think she helped me become a better person. here are some things i've learned from oprah winfrey: (let me just say that i'm kinda joking and kinda not here)

there are lots of sexual predators. don't trust just anyone with your children.
people look a lot better on her show than when the cameras surprise them at their houses. makeovers? mmhmm.
she did shows about eating disorders and all kinds of other issues specific to the teenage years. i was really scared from the pictures and interviews with anorexic and bulimic people.
i think i kinda learned to love myself more. appreciate who i am. (i don't know?!)

anyway, the list goes on. my point is, i went through a little time period where oprah was a dear friend of mine. we hung out after school and sometimes even on weekend nights (nerd!). my freshman year of college, i actually kind of attempted to schedule my classes to not be a 4:00 so that i could chill a little by the tv and see what oprah had to say that day. the past few years i have grown less and less attached. it's all apart of a healthy evolving relationship.

today, however, i find myself at work during the time that oprah is on. i'm finding myself wanting to be home so that i can watch oprah...out of nowhere! what the?

guess what?

2010-06-14T13:18:00.006-07:00

dear LOVE,

so i haven't written on my blog in for-e-ver (said like the classic sandlot boys) because i've only had one thing on my mind lately and it's been a little bit of a secret. but now it's not a secret anymore and i'm going to shout it on the roof tops, i tell ya!

I AM GOING TO BE MRS. PAIGE SMATHERS. that's right, i'm engaged! it happened officially last tuesday night and it was perfect. he proposed where we met last august on one knee and everything. the sun was setting behind mount nebo and the rest of the scenery was this beautiful shade of deep green from all the rain we've been getting. he said this cute little speech and we both just soaked the moment in. it was perfect!

spelunking

2010-05-10T12:26:00.006-07:00

dear love,

a few days ago, i went spelunking. that's right, spelunking. it was such a thrill and super scary but i was a little bit proud of myself that i did it!

spe·lunk·er (sp -l ng k r, sp l ng -). n. One who explores caves chiefly as a hobby; a caver. i.e. paige henry.

this wasn't some cave you pay money to go in and walk around with pretty lights and see the cool things caves had to offer. oh no, this cave was in the side of a mountain where it was obvious only a few people had ever really seen before. the cave was suuuuper narrow. we had to squeeze through a couple of extremely tight spots. we're talking one more pound on me and i wouldn't have made it through. for a while all we could do was have our buns on one wall and our feet on the other and just shimmy our way completely vertical for about 25 feet. and then we finally reached a place where you couldn't go any further and we knew we had conquered the cave!

happy future mother's day!

2010-05-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

your heart

2010-05-03T13:56:00.002-07:00

dear love,

sometimes you give someone a piece of your heart on a pretty silver platter. it's the scariest thing because that person could do anything they want with something that is so intimately yours and yours only. you hand it over apprehensively, with one hand halfway covering your eyes so you can still see a little out of the cracks your fingers make. you sit and wait once it's handed over, you search the person's face for any indication of what is going to happen to that part of you that you just offered them. will it be squashed or used or cheated on or taken advantage of? or will it be listened to, loved, nurtured, and comforted?

sometimes people exceed your expectations. sometimes they take the piece of your heart you gave them and wrap their arms around you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.

grades

2010-05-01T11:25:00.002-07:00

dear love,

please let me just vent about something. don't judge me and think i'm crazy...just go with it.

i took my very last religion class ever this last semester. i liked it and everything but i guess i didn't really study enough or take it seriously enough (what's new?) i knew my grade was pretty borderline B+ A- but i figured it should be just fine. when i checked my grades i got a B+ in the class and checked the percentage on blackboard. okay SERIOUSLY my grade calculated out to be an 89.85%. i didn't worry too much because i figured i would just talk to the teacher and he would see that was silly and that i should get an A-. i emailed both the ta and the teacher and just barely got a response back from the ta which read: "please see the syllabus for grade cut offs" and THAT WAS ALL HE SAID. if i wasn't mad before i was now. c'mon BYU religion classes, get a freakin grip on reality. i went to class every single day except one, did the readings and the journals every single time, participated regularly, and if i had gotten one more point out of like 750 my grade would be over 90%. stupid and dumb.

okay i feel better now.

musical moment

2010-03-27T21:53:00.003-07:00

dear love,

ok so here's the thing. i hardly ever really play my guitar for big groups of people, in fact, tonight was only the second time i've ever done it. that's right, the BYU 236th ward had a talent show tonight and i sang a little song and it was fun.

picking the song was difficult, but after input from kath, my sister, and a few others, i chose this one. india arie is my favorite artist in the entire world. i've seen her in concert three times and im slightly obsessed. so i went with one of her songs and it all turned out okay in the end.

i want to give a few shout outs to some amazing performances.

carolyn on the guitar—free fallin has never sounded better. perhaps a private concert to lull me to sleep in the near future?
ariel—okay seriously?? the words you sang were B E A U T I F U L and wow, you can siiiing!
shane—boy's got MOVES.
taj—love the videos. especially the mustache one. (see video below).
kath—i know you technically didn't perform, but your comments were classic throughout the show, and it wouldn't have been the same without you.

so yay for me being brave! oh and thank you to the august rush man who made a surprise guest appearance at our very own ward talent show. you rocked!

FEMULLET

2010-03-25T15:11:00.003-07:00

dear love,

it was a normal thursday afternoon. i had just gotten out of my clinical class and i was on my way outside for my biweekly 30 minute people watching session. the next thing i knew, i was staring at one of the most amazing sights i have ever seen. this fe-mullet.

at first i panicked because i knew i didn't have my camera with me. but then i remembered that my phone has a camera on it, so the next thing i knew i was on my way, phone in hand, ready for some serious stalking. i decided it was too weird to hold my phone up so that she could see me taking the picture, so i took a risk and held the phone at my leg and took the creeper shot that way, hoping i would have her in the frame. i looked at the picture, overjoyed with the results. not only did i get the full body shot, BUT the wind picked up right at the moment i snapped it. e-p-i-c.

i laughed literally for a half hour straight. by myself. i had to pretend i was on the phone so that people wouldn't stare.

some lingering questions:

who cuts hair such as this?
how do i become that awesome?
how is not an "extreme hairstyle" that would usually be banned from BYU campus?
when she wakes up in the morning, does she really think, "yep!! i'm looking good!" ???
how do i become her friend?

i've decided to frame this picture and put it up on my wall next to the other photo i have. (the really crazy man and wife(?) that hangs proudly in our living room). because my lovely roommates always tell people that those crazy-looking people are my parents, a friend suggested that i tell people that this mullet woman is my twin sister who plays softball.

this one's for you, cort. "WHAT A PLAY!!!"

a realization resolution

2010-03-07T23:05:00.002-07:00

dear love,

it's been a really long time since i last wrote on my blog. here goes my best attempt.

something that's been on my mind lately is understanding why i have such a hard time trying new things. examples: my first time i tried playing golf, i was in tears by the end of the second hole. i kept swinging and missing and was sooooo frustrated. i was scared to even try and then when i wasn't good, i just wanted to give up. i guess i just want to be good at everything i do. another example is my dance class. i am absolutely terrified of the entire scene—it's completely uncomfortable. first of all, you have to ask people to dance and hold sweaty guys' hands, and you have to deal with the people who have been dancing their entire lives and are waaaay better than you and intimidating. these two examples are things that i have actually tried to do after much self-convincing, but it makes me REALLY uncomfortable.

so here's the catch. i've realized that if i could boil it all down to one thing it would be fear. i'm flat-out scared to try new things. i'm scared i will look dumb, not be able to do it, or just fail altogether. this realization was a surprising one for me because i don't see myself as really being scared of stuff like that. but i think that there's definitely an element of fear related to the things i never actually try.

i'm going to fix this. i'm telling myself that i am going to try new things and recognize that i might be scared but i'm going to do it anyway. i heard this great quote once: "if you want things to happen that have never happened before you have to do things you've never done before." i'm going to do things i've never done before and i'm not going to let fear get in my way. and i'm going to be awesome. done and done.

love love love.

2010-02-10T10:29:00.001-07:00

dear love,

all you need is love. that's what they say.

my little talents

2010-01-14T11:56:00.004-07:00

dear love,

you know how the first day of the semester teachers will ask the class to go around and say their name, where they're from, and something interesting about them? well, it's caused me to really dig deep, in heartfelt contemplation about what is interesting about ME?

here are some answers i've come up with:

first, i can make a really cool face. it looks a little something like this

second, i am probably the best at knowing which size tupperware to use for leftovers. this was

especially obvious when i was home for the holidays. my family used this skill of mine many times after the mounds of food we would eat.

and last but not least, i have another talent. it's something i used to brag about a lot back in the day, but i've had fewer and fewer chances to show this one off due to cell phones. ladies and gentlemen, i am here to announce that i am REALLY good at memorizing phone numbers. this used to be a huge inside joke with me and my high school boyfriend so if he were to ever read this, he would chuckle.

that is all. what are your secret little talents?

merry christmas!

2009-12-25T21:44:00.001-07:00

favorite christmas song = oh holy night

this is why being home is awesome

2009-12-18T21:13:00.003-07:00

dear love,

i just need to try to explain why my sister is the most hilarious person ever. i've only been home for 4 hours and i'm already re-amazed at how funny the woman is. here we go with a list shall we?

she is recently obsessed with mario on my dad's wii. she bought the game 3 days ago is is already on the 8th world. quote just now, "i'm about to quit, dude. this is seriously the hardest level i've ever even seen!" and then, "nooooooo i need that mushroom!" "i'm just going to jam this level out...just JAM!"
i can use this weird language with her and she understands me even though a normal person would have no idea what is going on.
all night she has had this throat issue where every two minutes she gags a little. and then he voice changes to this kermit voice randomly.
certain things about who i am can only come out around that girl. we're a bunch of weirdos and it just feels like home.

announcements

2009-12-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

dear love,

just a few things i need to say:

i have written my very first song.
to every man in the whole world: man up.
i have one more final left until freedom
i haven't done a single thing christmas shopping-wise.

that is all.

in love with this song

2009-11-21T18:47:00.001-07:00

yay for happy songs

shower epiphany phenomenon

2009-11-20T14:18:00.002-07:00

dear love,

i have this weird phenomenon in my life and it happens in the shower. i can't even tell you how many times i'm just taking a shower, minding my own business, and all of a sudden i have the answer to a question i've been wondering about for weeks. i've thought long and hard as to why this even happens and i think i have the answer.

all day long i run from thing to thing. work, school, studying, eating, gym, friends, the boy, church, etc. i rarely have time where my mind can just shut off. in the shower, i've created this habit of thinking of absolutely nothing while i'm in there. they always tell you in yoga to clear your mind and i think the more you think about clearing your mind, the less you do it. the only time i've really been able to have a mind without a million things running through it is in the shower. so that's where i have these amazing realizations.

Here are some examples of things i've realized in the shower:

one time i realized that a guy i had been dating was TOTALLY two-timing me
i realized i had to quit my job at the hospital
great ideas for dinner group have come to me in this manner
something really personal, let's just say i knew something was going to happen before it did...weird
i knew that this one person just needed a friend.
triple date ideas :)
i've remembered sooo many friends' birthdays the day of

so there you have it. if you ever need an answer to a question, try a shower!

a poem from the past

2009-11-10T17:10:00.005-07:00

dear love,

this is a poem my little 9-year-old sister wrote to me last year for my birthday. she was 8 at the time and i think it's pure genius.

I Love You the Yellowest

I love you

love you the wing of a duck,

the song of a bird,

the heat of a hug,

the gold in treasure,

I love you the yellowest

hey, things work out

2009-11-04T15:41:00.005-07:00

dear love,

i just wanted to remind you that sometimes you stress and then sometimes everything just works out. it probably won't work out exactly the way you think it will, but it will. then you will look like this. (happy happy happy)

my roommates

2009-10-23T19:29:00.002-07:00

dear love,

i just want the world to know that i probably have the most wonderful roommates in the whole world. it's pretty amazing that we can't even go to bed at night because we're so excited to talk about all the wonderful and hard things in life.

one of them has been through it all with me. she was my very first roommate when i moved here and i have learned more from here than i could even begin to write down. there have been countless times she has given words of encouragement, or even just a knowing look that tells me that she understands and that she cares. my favorite thing about her is how big her heart is—she loves everyone and is always pleasant and wonderful. she is the definition of lovely.

then there's the other one...yeah, her. we decided today that we have the most sarcastic relationship in the world. but even with all the fake fighting and constant banter, we still sit down at night and talk about all the things that matter to us. we just get each other. she looks out for me and i for her and if anyone tries to mess i would kill them. (she also really loves murder). i have learned to pay attention to the small things and to see people in a different way because she taught me how. she is the definition of wonderful.

a dream realized

2009-10-12T19:41:00.003-07:00

dear love,

i had a really cool experience that i want to share with you. i don't think anything like this has ever really happened to me, and it feels amazing. please excuse the vague-ness—i want to explain this phenomenon without getting all personal.

here's the deal: i've always had this little dream of what a certain thing in my life will be like. i have explained a certain scenario to my closest friends and family, trying to help them see my vision. it's only one small situation, and only serves as an example of the type of thing i imagine which is much bigger and more important than this smaller example. this one little scene always plays through my head as a sort of dream or goal or wish.

the other day, i realized that this little story/scenario i've been telling people about actually happened. from start to finish the scene unfolded the exactly as i imagined. i didn't recognize that it was happening as it was, but when i took a step back and looked at the situation, i saw how much it aligned with my little dream i've always had. even though that one thing is small, it's kind of wonderful that the things we care about enough really can and will transpire if we let them.

hopefully this made sense. the take home message is this: even a simple ordinary person can have dreams realized.

this is how it works

2009-10-08T06:41:00.004-07:00

ok so these words have been going through my mind for the past few weeks. this is katherine's favorite song and we listen to it every chance we get. i finally looked up the lyrics of this one part and i think it sums love up perfectly.

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

i can't even add anything to this. this really is how it works. thanks, reg.

big spoon obsession

2009-07-24T13:50:00.002-07:00

dear love,

confession: i like to eat cereal with big spoons. wow, it feels so good to finally get that out in the open. all my life i've been ashamed, i've been trying to hide my true feelings, but i won't let that happen any longer. here's the story.

cereal is really yummy. and perfect when you are in college because cooking for just one person is kinda LAME. i love love love cooking so much, but when you make one dish and have to eat it for like a week until you cook the next thing and have more leftover, it just gets old. hence, the whole eating cereal often thing. now, because i do eat cereal so often, it has become somewhat of a ritual. i have a certain type of milk i like, a particular requirement for my bowl, and there's definitely rules about my spoon. the bowl HAS to be able to make that blessed "clink" sound when the spoon hits it, no plastic in my house! The milk has to be 1% milk that is REALLY REALLY COLD. and last but most definitely not least, the spoon has to be larger. about the larger spoon—the reason i've always been a little ashamed is that i thought big spoon equaled big eater, or in other words, fatty! ahh scary. so i just tried to eat with the small spoon telling myself that the small spoon is the right choice. just the other day, it dawned on me though. i realized for the first time that it's ok to like the big spoon. and the great thing about it is that i know why i like it now. more milk per bite. every spoonful tastes better with more milk. it's not because i like to take giant bites, but it's that i like to have lots of milk in every. single. morsel. so there you have it—a little insight into my soul.

fringes

2009-07-05T09:01:00.002-07:00

dear love,

in england they call them fringes and here they're known as bangs. the thought of having bangs entered my mind the day of my hair appointment, and with the advice of my cute hairdresser, jay, i decided to go for it! if any of you are contemplating a hair change, i say carpe diem.

In Those Years

2009-06-21T22:47:00.003-07:00

 In those years, people will say, we lost track

of the meaning of we, of you

we found ourselves

reduced to I

and the whole thing became

silly, ironic, terrible: we were trying to live a personal life

and yes, that was the only life

we could bear witness to

But the great dark birds of history screamed and plunged

into our personal weather

They were headed somewhere else but their beaks and pinions drove

along the shore, through the rags of fog

where we stood, saying I

--Adrienne Rich

last day at the moa

2009-06-12T08:39:00.002-07:00

dear love,

it's my last day working at the moa!! don't get me wrong, i'm grateful to have had the job but PLEASE let me vent about why i'm so excited to finally be done.

reason #1: there's drama! new boss, new student supervisor who really knows her stuff but has other peeps jealous and angry that she came in and took over.

reason #2: we don't get to make our salads anymore! sadness. the main kitchen makes them and brings them up to us, and so i have nothing fun to do anymore except help people get their sandwiches, soups, and salads. boring!!

reason #3: i won't have to EVER have this conversation AGAIN!! "what kinds of soups do you have today?" "well, we have a chilled raspberry soup and our hot soup today is bacon potato." "chilled raspberry??!?! what is THAT?" "it's a yogurt based soup, and it's kind of more like a dessert that a soup. try it! it's one of our most popular dishes." blllaaaaaaaaah.

reason #4: i won't have to sweep, mop, scrub, squeegie the floors anymore! any my pants won't get that nice rim of bleach on the bottoms. rad.

reason #5: i don't have to wear the shoes with holes in the bottom where my feet get flooded with nasty cleaning water every. single. day.

reason #6: no more gloves

there are some reasons why i'm a little sad to be leaving...

reason #1: i don't get to sing on the top of my lungs to the radio in the back anymore.

reason #2: i don't get to do my dump and run method anymore. (dump the water down the drain and RUN away as fast as i can so that i don't get splashed)

reason #3: the little old couple that comes in almost every single day will be dearly missed. they are pretty much the cutest people i've ever met. and then bicker about what they're going to order even though it's always the same things: he has the hot soup with the ham baguette, and she has the hot soup with a side salad. they always take the large tray so that he holds all their food while carrying his cain and she walks over with him to pay. they sit there and eat together, not saying a word, and then when they pass us to leave, they always tell us what good cooks we are. they are happiness.

reason #4: i won't get to make those italian sodas anymore. the best part was putting the whipped cream on so it stood like 4 inches above the rim of the cup...with a cherry on top. yum.

reason #5: i don't get to sneeze REALLY loudly so that it echoes throughout the whole museum anymore.

reason #6: no more spying on people on dates. pretty much the best passtime you could ask for.

my 80-year-old friend?

2009-06-09T14:33:00.003-07:00

dear love,

weeeeeeird day. at least i have something to blog about though! it all started when i walked out of the temple this morning...and this tiny little old lady was running after me trying to catch my attention. she yelled, "sista!! sista!!! i need a ride home. the bus don' leave for one hour. you take me home?" (add accent as you please, please). i felt a rush of anxiety, because people i don't know really scare me. but i decided she's probably just a nice little old woman and so i agreed to take her home and we hopped in my car. she had a really thick accent and i could hardly understand what she was saying. the next thing i knew we were talking about going out to lunch today to a peruvian restaurant that her son works at. so she got my number and told me she would call me later.

three phone calls later. She called once to agree on a time, another time to tell me that she wanted to bring her 5 grandchildren with us, and another time to make sure i had her address. we agreed to meet at 1 and i frantically searched for someone to come with me. so katherine agreed to because she's the nicest friend in the world, and then we picked her up. she got in the car and told me that we had to pick up her granddaughter at school? and then we find out that the restaurant is actually a half an hour away and katherine and i looked at each other and decided to just bag it. it was getting too weird. so i told her we didn't have time to go all the way to the restaurant and that i would have to just take her home. i felt bad and i really was excited to have a little old lady friend but it was just a little crazy. adventures adventures :)

something i love

2009-06-02T20:46:00.002-07:00

dear love,

something happened today that was refreshing. i was walking home from studying with my friend, and we were talking about dating or something related (what else would people at BYU ever talk about?) and all of a sudden, this guy chimed in and agreed with something I had been saying. neither one of us knew him but he was comfortable enough to just be himself and join in on the conversation. i think we need more of that. more friendly hello's and smiles as we pass by people we don't know. i think there's too much worry about what it will look like if your "too friendly" and i understand that fear, but really, wouldn't the world be better if we all just were comfortable joining in on some random person's conversation just to be friendly? i don't know if the rest of you would agree but that's something i love—people breaking the mold and just living life in the moment, not worrying about all the usual things to worry about.

2009-06-01T16:07:00.002-07:00

dear love,

may was not a prolific month. it was a good one though. i'm sitting here at home with not much to do. it's been so long since i've blogged, it's almost like i forget how to do it. so i'm getting in the zone with a little bon iver and a little chocolate milk.

so let's see...what's been on my mind lately? lots. where to begin? (10 minutes later)...i've been really trying to think of something, ANYTHING to say. i don't think anything that's on my mind is bloggable. even though life is crazy, and the people in it are a little bit too, i'm happy and life really is beautiful. i'll be back in a few days with something awesome to say. until then.

look alive

2009-05-07T22:08:00.003-07:00

dear love,

thought one: tell me if you've ever done this: stood in front of the mirror as you are getting ready for bed, closed your eyes for a good 20 seconds and then opened them really close to the mirror to watch your pupils go from huge to tiny? maybe i'm the only one, but for some reason, this just fascinates me. it's never really possible to see our eyes when our pupils are really dilated and i love to try and trick them to get a quick glance of what my eyes look like with absolutely no light. it's crazy how our body naturally adjusts itself in different environments to come to the ideal way to take in the world around us. it's kind of a metaphor for situations i constantly find myself in. whenever i see a situation or trial or opportunity in life the first few minutes, hours, weeks (depending on what we're talking about) are hazy and unfocused. but things happen naturally to adjust and work themselves out to be able to see again, and to alter the amount of light let in for understanding, and it just naturally works out so that we are learning the exact things we need to learn through those different times. we might try to control our eyes, and keep them dilated when we look into the light, but the effort is futile because of the beauty and perfection of our physiology. just as we may try to alter our own situations, and make them the way we want, we need to understand that things will work out. we will adjust and learn what we need to when we need to learn it.

thought two: what is better than a bike ride on a warm spring night? katherine and i did that tonight and had one of those conversations that really just makes you feel like you care for someone and are cared for in return. i love conversations where you ask questions, and the responses speak to your heart, and they could have easily been something you yourself would have said. and the girl makes me laugh! and we learned how to say thank you.

thought three: advice advice advice advice. everyone wants to help, and everyone wants to be involved in things that are important to me. but i've really learned that i already know what to do before people give me advice. this is not to say that i never need it, because heaven knows i do, but i sometimes get wrapped up in asking people what to do and forget that the answers are usually clearly sitting in front of me. i forget to trust where my heart is, and i forget to follow it. so i'm resolving right here right now to do just that. pay attention to my heart: learn, introspect, study, and listen to it.

california

2009-04-24T16:46:00.003-07:00

dear love,

i just arrived in san diego yesterday, and i've already successfully done some of my favorite california things.

today i went to the beach. not the BEST day for the beach, but i needed it. jordy had to go to work so that meant i had the day to explore on my own. so i suited up, screened myself (cloudy days are the worst for bad burns), and set out to read my book on the beach. i took a long walk over to the beach, sat and read for maybe 2 hours, then walked around the stroll just behind the sand, and looked in some of the cute shops around there.

on my walk home, i was privileged to come across TRADER JOE'S. and smiled. and walked in. i tried desperately to search for a little taste of the past, and i knew there had to be something in there that would satisfy that. i walked around the whole store, ate a delish sample, and surprisingly nothing was really begging me to eat it–until i saw them. honey whole wheat pretzels. they don't sound that amazing, but they are. so i bought those and a mango and i was good to go.

so the trip so far has been a greeeatt successss as they say. i've already been to the beach and shopped at trader joe's!! and tonight we're having a barbeque. good california days.

why don't i just become an insomniac?

2009-04-12T21:09:00.002-07:00

dear love,

i'm warning you that i haven't slept much, (hence the title) so this one could be a little weird. i'm feeling a little weird. and annoyed. and tired. and kind of like there are 50 things to do in the next week. this is just how it gets during finals though . . . so much to write and read and cram into your brain and only a small amount of time to do this in. so what do i choose to do instead? blog. that's right, i'm putting it all out there.

i made a list of all the things i need to do before the end of the semester (just over a week). it's a long list, and i think i just wont sleep much. good? no. wouldn't life just be better if you just didn't need to sleep for a while? you could just pause your normal schedule and just say, "hey, i need like 5 days of pure productivity--and that does not involve sleeping. mmk? glad you understand. and body, hang in there, don't shut down on me. and mood, stay happy and sweet and fun. and face, don't get those nasty circles under your eyes that sometimes make you look like you have an abusive sitch goin on. oh an by the way brain, remember all the things you study during those days of awake-ness and don't start to expand in my skull and give me a headache. thanks everyone for cooperating!" wouldn't it be nice to tell yourself those things?

i'm about to tackle the first few things on my list. now that i've blogged, it just feels right to continue to stay up late and wake up early. thanks for sorting this out for me love, you're a true friend.

imagranola

2009-04-01T15:35:00.002-07:00

dear love,

i want to tell you about the adventures of my day today. it all started when i tried desperately to skip class. carolyn was coaching me yesterday on what it takes to skip class, and the best strategies for success. i went to bed at a reasonable time and so i decided that i didn't really need to skip class the next day. so i set my alarm for early so that i could get some things done before school. when that alarm went off, there was no way i was actually waking up. so i went back to bed, resolved that today would be the day to just not go to class because i didn't feel like it. then in like a half hour, i was wide awake and could not sleep anymore. so i got ready really slowly so that i would have an excuse to not go this morning. somehow i ended up getting ready faster than any other day! so my attempts to be a rebel backfired today. i went to class. hooray.

then, i got home around 2 and was starved for some lunch. i had stuff for smoothies and so i made one. yum. it was so good and seriously resembled the fancy ones from jamba. then my mind wandered and i wished that this WAS in fact, a jamba. so i put some oatmeal stuff on top. then i wished that the oats were granola. i was thinking about going to the store anyway, so i made a mental note to get some granola when i went. THEN i had the brilliant plan to make some of my own. i looked up a recipe online and made it my own (never any measuring!!) and it was delish. put it right on top of that smoothie and i was in heaven.

for anyone out there having similar cravings, i will do my best to recount what i put in my granola.

3 1/2 C rolled oats

2 t cinnamon

1/2 C coconut flakes

3 T flax seeds (mmmm omega 3s)

1 t salt

2 T honey

2 T maple syrup

2 t vanilla

1/4 C brown sugar

1/4 C canola oil

mix errrthing togetha. bake at 375 for 15ish minutes.

since then, i've been on a ram(paige) getting my life in order. cleaned, laundry, exercise, and then off to a concert tonight. until next time.

good things

2009-03-31T20:12:00.002-07:00

dear love,

here is my first list, a list of all the wonderful things going on in my life right now. i was talking to my friend, ali on the phone today and i had so many things to tell her about how great life is right now. so i thought i would share it with you, love.

i'm officially into the dietetics program here at BYU
i'm accepted to do EFY this summer!
to avoid being TOO personal, the man-sitch is good right now
i have an amazing home to come home to
roommates are better than i could even ask for--i learn so much from them both every day
i am in an amazing ward with so many people around me teaching me and showing me how to be better than i am
i have a job, and in this time of economic struggle, that is such a blessing
i'm healthy
i'm happy
the sun is starting to come out

i'm making steps in the right direction. i'm setting goals, learning, and most of all trying. so yay for that.

the usual

2009-03-26T13:51:00.002-07:00

dear love,

i like to think i'm smooth. i like to believe that i can talk to just about anyone and not really get nervous or awkward. but i thought i would share an experience today. i was working at the moa cafe and, of course, a really good looking guy walked in. i smiled at him and got him what he ordered...and i straight TRIPPED right in front of him. my heel got caught on one of the mats and it was just really really funny. i actually was so close to falling that i had to put my hand down on the floor to stop myself. i'm laughing right now as i'm writing this, remembering the look on his face when i fell. he was concerned and sweet, but i felt SO DUMB! what the heck is up with that? how is it that i helped probably like 100 people that day and i have to be a total dummy in front of the CUTE ONE?!? well, i think the answer is that it builds character and it makes it so that i have something to tell my grandchildren or something.

don't think that this is an isolated event. no, quite the contrary actually. i do stuff like this all the time and i just love it because i crack myself up. another time, at the moa too, i was talking about how cute our little garbage guy was (who apparently was engaged at the time--how was i supposed to know??) and he WAS RIGHT THERE IN THE ROOM as i was saying this. anyway, there are too many of these little experiences to remember them all, but hopefully you got a little chuckle out of this, love. more accounts of embarrassing tales to tell soon.

it's ok to be ok

2009-03-24T19:28:00.002-07:00

dear love,

today two things have been on my mind: it's ok to be ok, and sometimes you just gotta jump. to all the (maybe) five people who actually read my blog, let me put a disclaimer on this one: don't assume that you know what specific life event i'm talking about. i don't even really know what i'm talking about. all i know is that this has been on my mind today. with that said, let's get into it.

sometimes things happen. and they suck. and then they seem to get worse and worse and you have no idea how to get past this mountain of struggle before you. actually, maybe it's more like this: you're sitting on the wing of a plane, and all of a sudden, the plane takes off. (this was a real dream of mine by the way, love the symbolism). anyway, the more you wait to jump off, the higher you get, and the worse it will feel. you are so scared to jump, but you have to do it soon, or else it will be too late.

so when things happen that situations where you have to jump, just do it. do it before you're so high in the sky that jumping will really hurt or maybe even kill you :) (but that's not really funny).

let's bring this to real life. an opportunity presents itself like falling in love or a possibility to travel or move or make a big change in your life, and you are afraid to jump. the more you stress about your situation, the worse it will get. a real life situation: you want to talk to someone and become friends with them but you're afraid to look dumb or say the wrong thing. so you wait and wait and build it up in your mind, and your conscience tells you that you really should be befriending that certain person. but you tell yourself, laterlaterlater and then it never really gets done because all the waiting has made it harder. or this: you want to make an improvement on yourself (your thinking, your habits, your lifestyle, etc.) but you just keep telling yourself that you're too scared, or not ready. sooner or later those convictions of change and goodness fade into the backdrop and are no longer likely to happen. acting on those days where everything makes sense, seizing that moment to become better is where real change happens. last example: having your heart broken, your world betrayed, or having your soul desecrated. these times of grief are so painful, and no human being escapes this world without them. while i agree that allowing yourself to feel and be sad or a while is fine and even healthy, there comes a point where you just need to JUMP. and be ok. and thrive. jump when you're ready of course, but please, do jump. don't live your life thinking you will just get over it tomorrow, or even worse, forgetting about the problem itself. think about it, deal with it, find someone you trust, and then when you are ready, take the jump and be ok.

on to my last thought. when you are ok after something catastrophic in your life, it's ok to feel that way. people will try to tell you that you have to take 6 months to get over "a" and a whole year to finally rise above trial "b". not true. you decide. being ok after a trial is ok. i just wanted you to know that, love, so that you can remember that life is beautiful.

fickle

2009-03-23T20:03:00.002-07:00

dear love,

the past few days i've even heard seagulls flying around provo. what's the deal with that? i didn't know they lived in the snow! maybe they just couldn't make up their mind about whether or not to fly south or north, so they just flew east. they're just fickle.

fickle. it's a funny word, and it's the way i'm feeling lately. i think it's the way a lot of people are feeling. somedays the world makes so much sense and other times i just don't know. those ups and downs is what makes it interesting though.

then there's the weather--even the weather is fickle. last friday i was in shorts, and today it was snowing! what a tease. it's resisting the lure of springtime. but not for long! soon the colors will come back, the birds will chirp, and the sun will shine.

why i am attracted to this man?

2009-03-12T12:37:00.003-07:00

dear love,

i have a weird confession. i am really attracted to this late-forty-year-old man i work with in the nicu. his hair goes down past his shoulders, and is curly, and he gels it. he wears one of those little hats. he also has a beard! i don't understand this attraction, but i'm pretty sure it has something to do with how nice he is. he always works in night shift and every time i come in, he is always chatting it up with one of the nurses, helping her out with either a serious life problem, or with taking care of one of her babies. he always stays after his shift ends to help people who are scrambling to get feedings in, meds, or just finishing their charting. AND, he actually acknowledges my presence, and ALWAYS smiles at me. there's something about his voice too. scratchy and raspy. LOVE IT! weird, i know, but i just had to get this out there. i guess attractiveness doesn't come in only one form for me. that is all. have a nice day.

writing you poetry

2009-03-07T22:55:00.003-07:00

love more, but not too much

think less, but think enough

be enthusiastic, but not too loud

because guys don't like girls like that

ask him, no wait for it

be bold, no let him

be choosy, but don't pass it up

laugh at his jokes and always let him win

don't call afterwards to say it was fun

don't be too available

never do anything too kind the next week

or he'll get the wrong idea

don't wonder how he's doing

or visit him at home

rather, wait patiently on friday

for that familiar ring...

...something.is.wrong.with.this...

i will love and I will think about it

i will be enthusiastic because guys really do like girls like that

i will ask if i have to

i will laugh when it's funny, and i will NOT let you win :)

i will call

i will be available

i will be kind

and you can have whatever ideas about it you want

i will wonder how you are

i will visit

i will listen, and love, and write you poetry

how to: get things done

2009-03-05T14:15:00.003-07:00

dear love,

some things in life are just so funny. i think its funny how some days i just procrastinate and don't get anything done. and then the days where i have to read 100 pages of john locke (aka today) i get so much done! and i'm not talking about getting the john locke reading done, i'm talking about all kinds of other things i've been wanting to do. the only reason i got anything done was the overpowering distaste for having to read for philosophy. as a result, my bathroom and room are spotless, i have uploaded a new album to facebook, i've organized the next 2 months of my life via calendaring, went grocery shopping, and now i'm blogging. i was even considering writing in my poor neglected journal, but i'm sure that's coming next. so here's the lesson learned: when you want to get things done, give yourself a huge daunting task with a deadline, and then you will quickly get the other 20 things you are supposed to do out of the way in order to avoid the huge task.

i also think that the word "baller" is funny. my mom didn't know what it meant and was worried because she saw that i posted something on my sister's wall like, "my new comp is baller". she was worried that this might be a bad thing. so she called my sister to ask what it meant. she wondered if it was a bad word. i laughed for days.

please look at this poor child. yet another hilarity of life. high children.

feeling inspired

2009-02-27T21:02:00.003-07:00

dear love,

a few things.

yesterday the museum of art of campus opened up a new exhibit. we went and checked it out, and we left with our heads literally hurting. not hurting from lack of enjoyment--quite the contrary actually. walter wick, the i spy man, was featured in the new exhibit. each picture was beautifully photographed and upon closer consideration, there were mysteries to be discovered in each work. the one that got us was the column one. we couldn't figure it out, and then cheated a bit afterwards and found out how he did it. my favorite one was the five mirrored one, and we had to figure out what order he took the pictures due to the inconsistencies within the mirrors. hard to explain but it was great. needless to say, too much thinking on a thursday night, but FUN!

i would be ungrateful if i didn't write about my newest edition to my own little family. today i bought a macbook. yep. i did. after so much frustration with my dell, i decided to do it. i've been thinking seriously about this for a few months, and today i finally made the leap. so far, im very happy. i mean, im staying home on a friday night to "play on my computer". who does that? well, me.

i have to say a few more words about something that happened last night. i just do not understand judgmental people. scenario: last night i met my friend's brother who took one look at me and thought he had me all figured out. and he didn't keep his judgements quiet either. he was kind enough to keep me in the loop as he thought of more and more things he could say to cut me down. it was the weirdest thing--i hardly ever have someone actually voice their honest first impressions of me. but in my mind, it was completely unfounded and rude. so i responded to his honesty with some honesty of my own. i told him how rude he was being and that i was actually offended. he didn't really stop and i was soooo proud of myself because i just stayed quiet. all i said was "wow, there is a lot i could say in defense of what you are saying. but im not even going to say it. but, you are being RUDE!" and that was all. then i left. kind of weird but an interesting learning experience. that really had less to do with me and more to do with him. also, we cannot please everyone all the time. if you are dressed nicely, people assume you are a spoiled high maintenance girly girl. but if i had been wearing my basketball shorts or junky sweats he probably would have assumed that i don't care about my appearance and that im a slob. take home lesson: i cannot please everyone and i really don't even want to please everyone. i will let my deeds and intentions speak for themselves and hopefully those who actually care will really get to know me and know that i really do have something to offer. to my friend's brother: i'm sorry life is so rough that you have to feel like putting people down is a good way to be. good luck with that.

anyway, i looooove life and i love the fact that the sun is coming out lately. parks, walks, slacklining, and playing football all await me in the near future.

rip computer

2009-02-26T17:36:00.002-07:00

a little poem inspired by my dell:

wouldn't it be nice if you would work
then i wouldn't have to throw you out
and wouldn't it be nice if we were friends
in a world where you didn't make me cry and pout

in that world i could take you to class
and have the battery actually LASSSSSTTTT

well, it isn't that kind of world
you don't like to start up or use the web
so im going to go to the apple store
and replace you with a comp that has a head

enjoy the trash can.

love language

2009-02-18T10:07:00.002-07:00

for all of you out there who want to know how to love me best...here is my official breakdown of my love languages. you might argue i'm bilingual?

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	9
Acts of Service:	8
Physical Touch:	6
Words of Affirmation:	5
Receiving Gifts:	2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

dance champ

2009-02-15T18:08:00.004-07:00

dear love,

so i haven't written since the first day i decided to start a blog. i'm struggling with the concept of whether i actually need a specific thing to talk about, or if i should just ramble on about my day and boring things like that. so this post might be one of those rambles.

right now i'm eating some an apple with peanut butter--a new obsession of mine. the typical scene for me after school these days is sitting on the floor with my back to the couch, with a knife, pb, apple, and a plate, listening to some sweet tunes like fleet foxes, bon iver, or amos lee. so that's the exact position i'm in right now too.

carolyn and i have made up a word. that is another exciting part of my week. also, she brought back her typewriter and i can finally get out feelings with real vigor via the typewriter.

this weekend has been great. friday night, a big group of us went to heber to celebrate the day before valentine's. and...the most exciting part for me was that I WON THE DANCE COMPETITION. yeah that's right. i hate to brag, but it was one of my proudest moments, haha. we played "express yourself" and then the three finalists had a little dance off. good times!

and then valentine's day came around. i had big plans to be someone's secret admirer but i didn't have someone to be that for. so i thought of someone i could potentially be a secret admirer for, but when the time came, i was no longer in the mood. so i made a cake for jesse who protected us from the mountain lions in heber, and wrote him a special note on the typewriter (purely platonic). so that satisfied by need to love on valentine's. then we had some "men" over for dinner, talked a bit, and then had the REAL party after they left with just carolyn and i. we turned all the lights off and had a dance party, and only she and i were invited. there was a wide range of music too... all played on the record player i might add. we had top gun, billy joel, and even some gregorian chant. then we turned on hitch and i was out (typical) by the time albert kissed hitch.

love love love. all you need is love.

celery, peanut butter, and popcorn

2009-02-07T19:11:00.008-07:00

dear love,

i'm addressing this post to a "love". not that there is really anyone in mind, just that anyone who is reading this is most likely someone i love.

the inspiration for starting a blog began with the need to vent. carolyn and i always envision a typewriter right in our front room. if only we had one of those...we would be able to type out each letter by itself to describe our innermost frustrations. there is something magical about the sound of a typewriter, especially if you are typing with PASSION. this will be me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHuWh0jykhw

next item of business: today. today was a good day. it started off with a trip to the gym, then a test for geology...101. i spent my friday night studying rocks. then i spent my saturday morning proving that i know a lot about rocks. enough said. also, twice in the past 24 hours, i've been asked if i'm a geology major. NO PEOPLE! who do you think i am? anyway, the next part of my day was book club. good company, good discussion, and good times in general. i finally finished roman holiday today and loved every minute of gregory peck and audrey hepburn's forbidden romance. then came an epic nap. i woke up in a funk--why is it that sometimes you take a nap and feel like a new person and other times you wake up and you start laughing and crying at the same time like i did just 5 minutes ago? since the nap, i've been on the edge a little. weird.

here's the latest of mine and carolyn's list of quotes:

"oh my gosh, I LOVE MONKS!"

"so much clarity in the bathroom."

and on a more serious note:

"we are all out of context."

"we are divinity in progress."

those last two rhyme and i'm pretty sure there needs to be a poem created in honor of them.

well there you have it. i have sufficiently ranted and raved like i wanted to.